this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
