Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
