for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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