i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
