im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
