Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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