What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
