but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
