dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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