Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
