Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
