I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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