1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I party with great urgency now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
