Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
