what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
