In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
