I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
