Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my being single is dangerous.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
