Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
