dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
