Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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