Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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