youre lurking in front of me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
