Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
