how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
