I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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