he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
