Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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