hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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