and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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