There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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