Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
a search helicopter?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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