i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
BRING THE BAGELS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
