the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
