My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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