that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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