I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Randomize
