As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
