Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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