yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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