Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
