I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
