my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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