Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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