Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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