I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
