my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
