Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
