my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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