I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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