found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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