I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
